Cat Chronicles
by Leolaws
Summary: This is a series of one-shot featuring Minerva as her cat animagus, acting well … as a cat. It is funny (I hope), fluffy, a little bit ridiculous. It is OOC (for Minerva), and features most of the time Minerva/Hermione as a couple. Different warnings will be inside. Crack!oneshot, HG/MM. Updated randomly.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi people! **

**So this hit me in the middle on the night, while I was watching cat videos. (Everybody does, no judging). And Jesus, cats on a waterbed are just hilarious! So, yeah. **

**I was thinking they were not enough fics around (or I don't know where to look, which is possible too) where we could see Minerva in her animagus acting like a cat, and so I thought, hell, I'm gonna write it. **

**So this will be a series of one-shot, updated very randomly (when the urge hits me, really). It is crack, obviously, and very OOC (for Minerva, anyway). **

**This one features Minerva and Hermione as a couple (most of them will). **

**Enjoy!**

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She was once again at her girlfriend's, for a lack of better word. She still didn't know the appropriate way to call _Hermione_. Girlfriend seemed too childish for her, but she couldn't call her wife, not yet, or betrothed; so she didn't know quite right how to address her, and girlfriend would have to do for now.

She was waiting for Hermione to return, having left in a hurry because of a problem at the Ministry — and Minerva was proud of her girl, she had made such a good life for herself, and Merlin was she glad she had a part in it — therefore leaving her … girlfriend alone in her apartment. They didn't live together, not yet, mainly because Minerva lived at Hogwarts, and that the castle couldn't be their home, if they were not married. The Headmistress was thinking about proposing, before for now she was still a little too insecure. She couldn't quite yet believe Hermione will still choose her, a few years later. After all, she was young, she had other things to live than to trap herself in an unwanted relationship, especially with someone as old as Minerva. "You're not old, Minerva." Hermione would say. Yes, well, fact was she _was_ old, or at least, _older_ than Hermione — not that it was hard, as Rolanda Hooch would love to tease her — and that's that.

Not that it mattered at the moment, anyway. She was sitting on the couch, looking around her in a kind of awe. She had been here countless times, and still she couldn't help but wonder that the technology displayed around her. Hermione mixed muggle and wizard technology well, of course, and it was very entertaining. She looked at the clock, and decided she had enough time before Hermione got back. Slowly, she morphed, still on the couch, and a few seconds later, a small tabby cat was sitting in her place.

She liked her animagus. She liked to see, and feel the world as a cat, and she felt that lately, she wasn't using her form enough. Of course she still ran in the castle on four legs, but around Hermione, she avoided changing form. It didn't make sense, because it wasn't like Hermione was allergic to cats — wouldn't that be ironic — but she didn't feel comfortable enough to be a cat around her; mainly, because she sometimes acted like a cat. And that meant she purred. And this was completely mortifying.

But for now Hermione wasn't here and she therefore decided to explore. She jumped from the couch, and trotted around: first the kitchen, smelling around a bit, then the guest bedroom, jumping easily on the bed. Bed that _moved_.

As a witch, a pureblood one, Minerva had never encountered before a waterbed. It was muggle technology, and up until late, the guest bedroom didn't even have a waterbed. But it was one of Hermione's last eccentricities, and for a cat … it was a wonder.

Sometimes, Minerva's animagus true nature was getting the better of her. Normally, she was conscious enough to fight her first instincts, but the bed _moved_. And so, she acted like any cat would act: try to see why it moved. And so she jumped on the bed again, attacking the mattress with her paws. Which wave of water caused her to jump once again, hitting the sheets with her tiny paws and really not helping her situation. The bed still moved, and her curious mind was killing her. She was jumping — attacking — and jumping, restless, excited and afraid at the same time.

She was so engrossed into the moving bed she didn't realize Hermione was standing by the door, a hand on her lips, trying to muffle her laughter. But of course, the cuteness, the look of complete awe of the cat's face — her lover's face — got the better of her and she burst in laughter. The noise caught Minerva's attention instantly and she turned her head, before freezing, seeing the girl standing in front of her. _Damn_.

She fought her primal instincts, and sat on the bed — but Merlin _why_ did it _move_? —, tried to look tall, dignified, acting as she wasn't, mere seconds ago, jumping like a lunatic. This made Hermione laugh even louder and the young brunette could almost see the frown on the cat's face. A blur later, Minerva was sitting in the tabby's place. And indeed, she was frowning, pursing her lips, and trying to look annoyed and intimidating. Of course, after what Hermione just saw, she just couldn't take her seriously.

"It's a waterbed." Hermione said, and just laughed some more, hysterical by now, barely able to stand. She was leaning against the door, clenching her stomach, and doubling in laughter.

Minerva tried to look stern, again, and tsked, before standing, in all her might. Useless, it was, and the Headmistress realized, because she just rolled her eyes at her lovers antics', a slight blush on her cheeks. Not that she would admit it, but she was indeed slightly embarrassed knowing her … girlfriend had witnessed _that._

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, why do I even bother." The Scottish brogue was thick, proof of her embarrassment, and she went to pass Hermione, making her way towards the front door. That stopped the girl instantly — though she had a hard time to stop random giggles to escape her lips — and she ran after her lover, catching her wrist just after she stepped through the door, forcing her back in, and closing her door behind her.

"I'm sorry, Minerva, it's just … Merlin you're adorable!" It made her frown and she pouted, petulant. It really wasn't helping her case, though, she realized.

"I am not adorable." A smile broke on Hermione's face, and she just had this knowing look that annoyed Minerva so much.

"Okay, darling." The pet name made her blush, and she adverted her gaze, biting the inside of her cheek. "Come here." She stepped into the embrace after a couple of seconds and returned it in kind, loving the feeling of being in her arms. "Do you chase butterflies too?"

"Oh, sweet Merlin!" The Headmistress snapped and stood back, staring back at a once more laughing Hermione. She rolled her eyes, and went out the door once again, leaving behind her hysterical lover laughing on the floor of her apartment. She had a smile on her face, though, when she apparated. And she swore she would never, never again, morph around the younger woman. Though, she wondered how it felt to be pet by her. She would have to ask Crookshanks.

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**Thoughts? **

**If you have a nice and hilarious idea, a prompt, send me a PM! **

**'till next time! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi!**

**So this turned out a little longer than I expected, but it's good nonetheless (or at least I hope so). **

**I'd like to thank ****mxrolkr**** for the prompt! **_**"Tabby" hiding in a box and scaring the bejesus out of Hermione to get back at her for laughing... ()**_

**Warnings: Language! A little F word dropped there, sorry. Established F/F relationship. **

**Enjoy!**

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She had thought this through. She had started scheming right after her _humiliation_ and she had found the perfect way to get back at her lover. Nothing mean, mind you, but it would give her a good laugh, and it was really what she aimed for. After all, she didn't want to traumatize Hermione that would be counterproductive.

Therefore, she had planned to the last little detail. She was, yes, a wee bit control freak, but it was expected. The more she planned, the less chances she had that it would fail. So, she studied her girlfriend's schedule — Merlin that name sucked — under the great pretence it would be to see her more — and it was also true — and noted when she was at her apartment. She worked out exactly how long it took Hermione to leave the Ministry, and get back to her apartment. Finally, she banked a few favours so that she knew for sure when Hermione left her office. See? Nothing could go wrong.

The day finally arrived, and Minerva was ready — of course she was — but also excited. She was getting her payback and it would be just as hilarious to see the look of horror on her lover's face. She left Hogwarts early, reaching the apartment and entering the wards without any trouble. She looked around a bit, and relieved that her great hideout was still in the same place, she prepared. She had studied her girlfriend's habits — she really had to call her something different, girlfriend just _wasn't_ right — and knew every night after work; she would open this exact closet and take out a mug, then made tea. And so, it was a very logical — and devilish idea — to hide between the cups and maybe, jump on her when she opened the closet.

The woman, satisfied with her flawless plan, opened the closet, just slightly enough, and morphed. She jumped easily on the counter and then in the closet, closing the door with her paw. Thank Merlin she could see in the dark. She moved the cups around, just a little, so that she could be more comfortable, and then, she waited.

She waited a long time. Obviously, Hermione was late. Something must have happened, and Minerva was getting a little bit worried. She banished the thought, though. Hermione was a bright witch; she could take care of herself. But what on earth was taking her so long? She sat on her paws, stretching just a little. Finally, she heard the front door open and she also meowed in relief. It was getting hot in there, and she was getting claustrophobic. The small, unpredicted problem was: Hermione _wasn't_ alone. She was talking to someone, someone whose voice didn't sound familiar in the slightest, and it made her panic. Obviously, she couldn't just prank her lover and get it over with. No. She needed to prank her the day she had a guest. What guest, though, she wondered? The green-eyed monster was frightening to make an appearance, and she controlled her instincts. It wouldn't do good to mark her territory right now; she wasn't one for exhibitionism.

Still. What could she do? Sooner or later, Hermione would take tea cups and Minerva would be discovered, probably scaring the hell out of her in the process, in front of _someone_. Whoever that was. She could hear the conversation pretty well, and it took several moments for the Tabby cat to understand it was actually Hermione's mother, who was here with her. New problem, and oh, how Minerva wished to disappear, was that she had only met her once, when she had informed the Grangers' of Hermione skills. The woman knew her daughter was dating someone, but she had _no idea_ it was her former teacher. And it wasn't what she had in mind for a proper introduction.

The footsteps suddenly got closer and she realized with great horror that it wasn't Hermione, coming to get the cups. It was her _mother_. She tried to shrink, disappear, hide, whatever, but she knew she had no chance to succeed. The closet door opened and the cat stared with wide eyes at the woman, who soon noticed her, and screamed, dropping the cup in her hand.

"Jesus Fucking Christ!"

Minerva tried to cower a little, looking guilty. Hearing her mother's scream, Hermione was quick to come in the kitchen and stared at the cat, cat that was her lover, as she very well knew, then at her mother, still trying to catch her breath, a hand on her heart. She wanted to laugh, Minerva could see it — how the corner of her lips quirked — but then she must have thought about the situation because she frowned, loosing her smile.

"Hermione, would you care to explain why there is a cat in your cupboard?" The younger woman was at a loss of words, and Minerva simply left the closet, jumping on the counter and sat, looking disinterested, like any cat would. It was better to play along, she thought.

"Hum, surprise?" It wasn't very convincing, and Jean Granger just stared at her daughter, unimpressed.

"Hermione. Is there something you aren't telling me?" Minerva jumped on the floor, seeing Hermione hesitate. She was going to make a quick exit, before everything goes South. Fortune was not in her favour, unfortunately, and Hermione was quick to catch her, cradling the cat in her arms. Minerva hissed, trying to escape, but then the younger woman scratched her behind the ears, and well, she couldn't help it. She _purred_. "Did you buy a new cat? What about Crookshanks?"

It was the perfect window, and Hermione went along with it. "Yes, I thought he might get lonely so, I got him a friend." She smiled and continued petting the small Tabby, who had closed her eyelids in wonder. This was exactly why she didn't like to morph around Hermione. She was making a fool of herself. But then again, her lover's fingers felt _just_ _right_ on her fur.

"What's its name?" Came the simple question, and again, Hermione was at a loss. She said the first thing that came to her mind.

"Minerva."

"As in, Minerva McGonagall, your teacher?" Hermione cringed at the words and the Tabby reopened its eyes, afraid that Jean had made the link.

"Well, yes. But I was thinking more about Minerva, the Greek Goddess." Well thought, Hermione well thought. She was so proud of her lover she could meow. She did, actually, and that brought her to a whole new level of embarrassing. She would never hear the end of it, she knew. She already envisioned diners at the Great Hall, and Rolanda making fun of her. Because obviously, _Rolanda_ would be the first to know about this.

"Well, it suits her I think." Jean smiled and Hermione nodded along, still cradling her 'cat' close to her chest. It was definitely the best place to be, Minerva decided. She purred some more.

"Alright then, I'm going to leave you to it. It was lovely seeing you, honey. I'll call you." The young woman smiled some more and walked her mother to the door, saying her goodbyes, Minerva still firmly held against her. The second the door was closed, she held the cat at arms length, and glared.

"Oh, you are lucky this didn't end worse, Minerva. What in the name of Merlin were you thinking? Trying to get back at me for laughing, did you?" The Tabby looked guilty and Hermione had her answer. She frowned, and the cat didn't move, resigning to her situation.

"I'm sure you planned everything to the last detail." She finally took the cat against her once again, and Minerva let her, content to be on her lover's chest, with her fingers running through her fur. They should do this more often, she thought. "You scared the hell out of my mother, though. Not the best introduction you could hope for." She went to sit on an armchair, scratching the Tabby behind its ears, with earned her a new deep and low purr.

"I like you like this." She whispered against the fur, and she kissed the cat on its head, making her meow in appreciation. "But! Halas, bad little kitty!" She got up and carried the Tabby with her, opened the door to her room. She dropped the cat with care on Crookshanks favourite cushion and smiled, teasing. "You're sleeping here tonight. You're grounded, Minerva." She sounded stern and Minerva stared up at her, looking guilty once again. She padded the cushion and settled on it, watching Hermione intently.

Hours later, when the younger witch was in bed and fast asleep, the Headmistress morphed again and went to slip under the covers, settling behind Hermione's back and pressing her against her with a possessive hand.

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**I know, I know, not exactly the prompt but I couldn't help it. I like seeing Minerva fail. She's so perfect all the time; it's good to see her be a little … well … human. **

**If you've got any more ideas, I'm all ears! **

**And review, please? **

'**till next time! **


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